How To & FAQ
Note: this section is a work in progress. If you have questions you don't see answered below
or topics you'd like to see covered, feel free to email Me.
Book a session: *in progress*
Fill out the contact form of the Domme you'd like to see. Completely. The first time. Even if she isn't available next Thursday at 3:30 when you want a session, you may want to see her in the future. Giving her all the information she needs up front instead of requiring her to email you for each separate fact will save you lots of time in the long run. It will also make her more kindly disposed towards you.
Get / give a reference:
Step 1: Reach out to the Domme you will be using as a reference and make sure she is comfortable giving you a reference. If you are able, tell her who she can expect to hear from and ask how she would like to be contacted.
But, Why? This ensures that she expects to be contacted and knows that she is not giving out your private information without your consent. It also saves time for the Domme you are hoping to see.
Step 2: Figure out how your reference will identify you. Do you communicate with her through email, telephone, social media? Did you give her your full name or just your first name? Did you use your real name? If you're not sure, ask her the best way for someone to refer to you specifically.
But, why? Figuring out who is who can sometimes be difficult for Dommes, especially if she only saw you once. It's in your best interest to make sure that she doesn't get you confused with the other “John from San Diego.” that she saw three months ago. That guy was a real jerk while you were very well behaved. It would be a shame if she told the Domme you're hoping to play with about the other guy by mistake.
Step 3: Reference away! Contact the Domme you want to play with. In addition to the other relevant information for the scene you desire, give her the name of your reference(s). Tell her how your reference will identify you, and that you've confirmed that she will act as your reference. Include relevant contact information.
But why? If the Domme you wish to see requires references, she has her own reasons for doing so. Some of the most common include personal safety, client reliability, and compatibility. If you choose not to provide references, she may choose not to see you.
Helpful reference dos and Don'ts:
DON'T: Give up because you're new and don't have any references.
DO: Tell the Domme you're contacting that you're new and don't have references. Ask what her screening procedures are. Be prepared to share some personal information.
But, why? You're asking her to be alone with a stranger in a room full of torture equipment, a certain amount of caution should be expected.
DON'T: Use a dungeon as a reference.
DO: See Step 1.
But, why?A dungeon isn't a person and as such, can't share its experiences the same way. Dungeons may not give references on their clientele. It makes it obvious that you can't remember the name of the last person you played with. For many Dommes, this is a potential red flag.
DON'T: Send a reference that looks like this: “I saw Mistress Sarah last summer.”
DO: Send a reference that looks like this: “I saw Mistress Sara Siren last August in NYC. Here is a link to her website: '' and this is her social media ''@responsiblereferencing' I've already let her know you might be reaching out to her. She prefers email over DMs”
But, why? The more information you give, the less effort we have to expend. There are a lot of Dommes out there. We try our best to pick unique names but sometimes it doesn't work out for various reasons. If you aren't specific and the Domme you're requesting a session from contacts the wrong person, it makes you look bad.
DON'T: See a Domme once and continue to use her as a reference for many years.
DO: Try to use a Domme you've seen in the last six months as a reference.
But, why? First, it's rude to the Domme you're using as a reference. You paid tribute to session with her exactly once and are now repeatedly asking for time and energy when you've clearly seen others since then. Second, life happens and people change. A reference from someone that you saw years ago saying that you were stable, sane, and safe does not guarantee that you you are in the same mental condition now. It may also be the case that you were going through a phase that involved getting your balls shocked repeatedly with a cattle prod and you're not into it any more.
Prep for anal play:
Frequently Asked Questions
*this section is a work in progress, if you do not see your question here, email Me.*
Q: Can we negotiate our scene over the telephone?
A: If you would like to consult with Me via telephone, you may schedule a time and reach Me here. Otherwise, I conduct all negotiations via email. Note that if we have not played before, the number of emails I am willing to exchange with you may be limited. We will always have a brief in person check in before our scene begins.
Q: Why do appointments require a deposit?
A: My time is valuable to Me. Due to the high volume of no shows, I require a deposit as a gesture of sincerity.
Q: I want to talk on Niteflirt but you're not online, what do I do?
A: I am a busy woman. The best way to find a time to connect is to email Me.